Tuesday, August 04, 2015

The Terrible Ten

The lineup is set for the 1st Republican Primary debate and the cast of characters would frighten any sane man. Unfortunately there aren't many sane men in the Republican Party.

Are you ready? Here's the 10 that made the cut.

#1 - Mr. Immigration. He of the rotten toupee, DONALD "THE BOSS MAN" TRUMP!

#2 - The man with all the money and looking to make it a bushy three, JEB "LET'S SCRAP MEDICARE" BUSH!

#3 - The man with no degree that has driven Wisconsin into the 3rd world, SCOTT "DUM-DUM" WALKER!

#4 - The biggest religious fruitcake in the race. The man who's going to use federal troops to stop abortions, MIKE "HUCKLEBERRY HOUND" HUCKABEE!

#5 - Mr. Delusional himself, BEN "NO BRAINS" CARSON!

#6 - The man who doesn't understand the Internet, TED "MY DAD"S CRAZY" CRUZ!

#7 - A man with an R on his right hand and an L on his left but still gets them confused, MARCO "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT" RUBIO!

#8 - The man who thinks there's a plot to merge the US with Canada and Mexico, RAND "SECRET PLOT" PAUL!

#9 - The man's who's hated by just about everyone in his home state, CHRIS "BRIDGEGATE" CHRISTIE!

#10 - Last, and probably least, the man who has been watching Ohio fall apart all around him and who says he don't need no black folks, JOHN "GHETTO MAN" KASICH!

The big question of course is how are these certifiable lunatics going to act on national TV. I'm sure you won't be hearing any of the loony toons comments we've been hearing. I'm betting all ten will spend all night attacking the Obama administration and Hillary Clinton.

I can see it now.

Fox Moderator: Senator Cruz, what programs would you propose to generate more jobs?

Ted Cruz: Well first we'll have to repeal that Obamacare and undo the racial animosity generated by the current administration because, as you know, net neutrality is a Communist plot and there's this terrible assault on Religious Freedom because an activist Supreme Court has redefined marriage. Then, of course, there's Benghazi. And that's not to mention the millions of illegal immigrants crossing the border every day and taking away what few jobs we have left.

Fox Moderator: Very insightful and I'm sure you speak for all the candidates when you say Obama has squandered the prosperity of the Bush years and Hillary Clinton is most likely a mole for the Muslim Brotherhood.

(Nine bobble heads nod)

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