Landover Fan Mail

The Landover Baptist Church is a satirical site that pokes fun at Christianity. Actually, it ridicules right wing Christianity and right wing Christians. To be honest, it’s not one of my favorite sites because I find its humor a little coarse but I check back from time to time to see what’s new.

On my last visit I took a quick look at the latest collection of e-mails arriving at the site. Ouch, these people actually figured out how to use a computer? The e-mails are posted with errors in spelling and grammar intact. The result is really scary especially when one considers that most of these folks are part of the electorate. I guarantee that they all vote Republican and that they all voted for Bush the Unhinged.

…Ya'll are bat-shit crazy…I read your beliefs and you guys are freaks!!!! I am a Christian woman and love our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…People like you should be sterilized and not able to reproduce.

Ashley

Ashley obviously thinks that opinions and belief are genetic. Of course if that’s so, then one can only blame God for creating lousy opinions or the parents for choosing the wrong mates.

Do you really think this site is in any way is pleasing to god? I am very sadenned that you chose to put such blasphemy out there.

Dianne

At least Dianne is smart enough to figure out that this is a spoof. But it's unclear to me why Dianne considers the site blasphemy. Perhaps Dianne, like many Christians, thinks blasphemy is anything that disagrees with Christian dogma.

You are the devil itself and i hope you have a eternity in hell. you dont deserve to call your self a baptist church.your rules and regulations are bull crap… It doesnt matter what you look like it matters how you serve god, wich you have failed to do. I want you to read this email to your entire congregation so they can see how stupid you all realy are.

Ian

Ian, on the other hand, is not smart enough to figure out that the site is a spoof. Ian probably doesn’t even know what satire is. I do agree with Ian that what you look like, or how you dress, isn’t important, its how you act that’s important. I guess Ian isn’t old enough to remember the denunciations from the pulpit during the 1960’s about how the emerging generation’s hair length and mode of dressing was disgraceful and an affront to God. Ian, the fact that you can dress as you like today is thanks to the Godless Liberals of the 60’s who told the preachers to go pound salt.

You might also want to give some consideration to the doctrine of "Grace" which kind of implies that how you act isn't nearly as important as what you believe. An axe murderer that accepts Jesus will be saved but a righteous and gentle Buddhist Monk is going straight to hell. This is what Christianity calls "justice."

…although i am a christian, i can definatly say with all clarity that you certainly are not christians, just american self-glorified, racist idiots. Who obviously misunderstood what the bible says and the historical significance of having an old and new testament… However based upon your own teaching i would like to say, enjoy the barbecue cos you'll be the ones cooking, and we'll try and enjoy the show from above.

Steve

Racist idiots? Now what do you suppose Steve is thinking? I always love the picture a lot of Christians paint of sitting up in Heaven watching the damned burn in hell as a sort of entertainment. By the way Steve, it’s only an “old” and a “new” testament to Christians. Jews don’t consider the Hebrew Bible an “old testament.”

…you don't even open your bibles to read what the word of God actually says…You hate gays, you objectify and discriminate women… you falsify Jesus' teachings, and you disgrace the name Christian…And having a clothing line of thongs doesn't help your case at all.

Jordan

Another bright light that hasn’t figured out that the site is a spoof. Alas poor Jordan, do you think Christianity loves gays and treats woman equally? Perhaps you need to look around at how some lovable Christians, all of whom claim they’re following the bible, react to gays with signs like “aids cures homosexuality” and “kill all fags” just to name a few. Then you might want to bone up on how Paul says women should keep their mouths shut in church and learn from their husbands at home (1 Corinthians 14:34-35). How’s that for equality?

At far as the thongs are concerned, hey, they need some way to make money to support the site since they don't actually have a congregation to fleece every Sunday.

Your web-site Is the sickest thing I've ever seen. You call yourself good christians and promote the ruthless beating of children in the name of 'GOD'… How dare you post publically how to abuse children and HATE people who don't follow your doctrines! It's organizations like yours that give organized religion a bad name. May YOU burn in hell for YOUR sins against children and the human race.

Jacqueline.

Jacqueline hasn’t caught on that the site is a spoof either nor has she figured out the implications of the exclusivity that most Christian denominations teach. If you follow those teachings to their logical conclusion, they demand that you “HATE people who don’t follow your doctrines” which is of course precisely what Landover is satirizing.

Landover is also satirizing the idiotic notion held by some Conservative Christians that Proverbs 23 calls for the corporal punishment of children. It doesn't, the "rod" that Proverbs 23 says to apply is the rounded end of a shepard's staff that is used to gently prod sheep into not wandering. You don't literally beat the sheep with a rod and you certainly don't literally beat a child. The analogy is obvious, in the same way the shepard uses his rod to guide the sheep, a parent should use discipline to guide a child.

As for the site giving organized religion a bad name, it would be impossible for a silly satirical web site to paint organized religion any blacker than it already is.

And these are some of the more polite e-mails. These are the people that want to dictate “moral values” to me? Excuse me while I run over to a Red State and buy some more 7.62 mm ammo.